Don’t ever quit.
I know, the most basic thing in the world. But can you guess how many times I’ve seen problems because people just give up? The thing about human beings is this: I don’t really think there are any limits. Just when you think you are at the end of your rope, that you can’t hold on a second longer, that you can’t force yourself to move another inch, write another word, or endure another argument, low and behold, you can. Limits exist for the most part precisely because we believe that we have limits. If, in our own minds, we could convince ourselves that there is no limit to what we can do, then the world is open to us.
The one thing that separates the ordinary man from the great man is persistence, whatever the chosen field. It has been said that love is the greatest power in the universe, but I have to throw my two cents in for persistence. Here’s why. Persistence is the action that love takes most often in this world. Let me say that again. Persistence is the action form of love. Think of it this way, could you ever persist with something that you didn’t care about deeply? Conversely, do you really love something if you can’t persist at it through the really hard times? I doubt it.
These two things, love and persistence, are flip sides of the same coin, kind of like freedom and responsibility were earlier. If you really dig into the truth of this, it can answer a lot of questions. Let’s look at relationships. If you think you are really in love with someone, but you’re ready to bail out on them in a year, then guess what: you weren’t really in love. Saint Paul said it best: Love endures all things. If there has ever been a better definition for persistence, I’ve not seen it.
Now all this begs the question, can you persist at something you do not love through the use of some bullish willpower that will not allow you to quit, no matter what? Let’s throw out any situation where you’re compelled to endure a difficult situation like prison and I think the answer is no. There are people who will stay in a toxic situation, however, not because of love or persistence, but because of some other emotional baggage that keeps them afraid to leave, but this again is not true voluntary persistence. What I’m talking about is the persistence that arises by choice day in and day out over the years.
Sometimes in life, people become confused. It happens to all of us, believe me. Many times I’ve had patients come to me who were thirty, even forty years old, still trying to figure out what they wanted to be when they grew up. We can use love and persistence to find the answer to this question. What is it you love to do? I ask them. Sometimes people can’t answer this so I change the question. What is that you do in your free time? What is something you always come back to, no matter what? The answers to those questions will tell you where your heart lies.
Another thing I’ve seen with love and persistence is this: when you feel like one is faltering, you have to shore up the other. Let’s say you’re working your way through the phases of relationship like we talked about earlier. You’ll get to a point where love has gone out the window. What do you do now? Cry and moan and say, “Woe is me?”
No.
You persist. You keep plugging away, maybe further than you ever thought you could go. Try to remember why you loved the person at first. Ironically, it’s usually those exact same traits that you hate about them now. But here’s the thing, if you persist, you’ll start to love those things again.
If you find that you are ready to give up, that your persistence has persisted all that it wants to persist, then you need to go back and look at the root of that persistence. There was a passion there that drove you as long as it did. It’s up to you to rekindle that passion from time to time in order to stay the course.
I am so convinced that persistence is one of the great keys to life that I will say this: If you never give up until the day you die, you will surely meet with success. It may not be the success you planned, but the reward for never allowing yourself to be beaten will be extraordinary because very few people can do this.
Find your passions and pursue them relentlessly. In the end, the journey itself will become its own reward.
