Keep your ego in the sacred middle.
Ego is a Latin word that simply means “I”. Ego in the modern day context is basically all the thoughts and feelings you have that constitute what “I” means to you. Your ego is a psychological construct that exists to separate you from the crowd so you know where you begin and everyone else ends. Ego definitely serves a purpose, but what I want to talk about now is when the ego gets out of hand.
When ego gets too big, your needs start to surpass the needs of others. In fact, in severe cases an egomaniac’s need can surpass the needs of millions as attested by several tyrants in the past century. The problem with inflated ego seems to be particularly common in America for many reasons outside the scope of this work, but it has almost reached the level of ego sickness. This is my term for what happens when the demands of ego are so constant and so unquenchable that everyone is out for himself. This obviously has detrimental effects to society as a whole, but on an individual level it’s a fool’s game. You see, ego isn’t real. It’s a construct–a trick the mind plays to help you feel special. Is anyone really all that great? Yes, there are men and women who seem to rise above the rest, but did they really do it on their own? Many times, they are products of the effort of dozens–if not hundreds–of others. I’m reminded of the saying, “If I seem to have risen above other men, it is because I stand on the shoulders of giants.” I’m not saying there is no individuality. I think there is a unique individual inside every one of us that can only evolve through careful pursuit of those things we love. Our ego is not what we really are. It’s a set of mental projections we have created to compare ourselves with others.
If we continue to fill up our egos by ridiculing others, criticizing others, or by seeking praise and admiration, this eventually starts to wear thin. Then we need more and more ego boosts to stay propped up at the same level. In many ways, it’s like a drug. We chase ego-building things. We don’t mind if we have to put down others to build up our own ego because we simply have to. We are addicted to it, and nobody can take it away from us. In the end, an egomaniac is someone who no one else wants to be around. They are lonely and hurt that no one can see their greatness, and very often, they grow old in a state of despair.
The opposite problem is having little or no ego. Now this gets very tricky. If you read many of the great religions and philosophies, they will point toward a state of existence where ego is gone. Egolessness leads to connection with the greater whole, which is perceived as enlightenment. I think the egolessness that is referred to here is getting rid of the kind of toxic ego I discussed above. Indeed, you will never feel any connection to something greater than yourself if you worship your own ego, but ego does serve a function.
When your ego is poorly formed, or nonexistent, you have difficulty separating from the rest of the world. You allow yourself to be beaten, abused, put down, lied to, or laughed at because you aren’t worthy of making a stand. This is clearly not a reasonable place to be. Over time, someone with no ego will be disrespected and pushed aside.
Like so many things in life, ego has to be balanced. The Buddhists talk about The Middle Way, which is the use of moderation to achieve transcendence. I think this philosophy applies best to the balance of ego. You have to believe in yourself enough to be able to assert your wants and needs, or they will never be fulfilled. But if you assert your wants and needs to the point of being aggressive, then others will start to shun you. Always remember that you are only a small part of a vast ocean of humanity. You can even take it beyond humanity to see that you’re a small part of an ecosphere, a planet, and even a universe. Realization that you are part of such a miraculous collective can both strengthen your sense of self and lend humility. In short, you achieve a state that is both egoless and individually unique at the same time.
